It's a distressing and emotional time when a loved one dies, and emotions can run especially high when a will dispute arises. Miles Hansford Law Firm is here to help. And, keeping your cool isn't easy, but managing conflict with composure is the best way to protect your relationships and ensure a smoother resolution. Our Attorneys want to ensure that we can support families when loved ones may be dealing with a difficult will dispute.
Why composure is your superpower
To begin, here is a little brain function primer. When emotions flare, the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for logical reasoning—takes a back seat to the more reactive amygdala. This can lead to rash decisions and communication breakdowns. A calm approach, however, offers several key advantages:
- Clearer thinking: Staying centered allows you to think logically and make sound decisions, rather than reacting emotionally.
- Productive conversations: When you remain calm, you can steer the conversation toward resolution and prevent it from escalating into a shouting match.
- Stronger relationships: Preserving family relationships can be more important than winning an argument. A calm, respectful approach minimizes long-term resentment.
- More effective advocacy: You command more respect and attention when you speak assertively without losing your temper. This allows your legal arguments to be heard more clearly.
- Better outcomes: Staying composed allows you to focus on a solution and increases the likelihood of a mutually beneficial resolution, especially through methods like mediation.
Practical strategies for keeping your cool
1. Acknowledge and manage your emotions
- Understand the grief: Recognize that a will dispute is layered with complex emotions, including anger, grief, and feelings of betrayal. Giving yourself permission to process these feelings is the first step toward managing them.
- Practice mindfulness: Techniques like deep breathing can help you stay grounded when tensions rise. Inhale for four seconds, hold for two, and exhale for six to calm your nervous system.
- Take a break: If a conversation becomes too heated, it's okay to step away. Politely suggest taking a break and revisiting the discussion later.
2. Communicate with clarity and purpose
- Listen actively: Instead of planning your next response, focus on what the other person is saying. This can help you understand their perspective, which is key to finding a solution.
- Stay focused on facts: Arguments can quickly devolve into personal attacks. Stick to the facts of the dispute and avoid dredging up unrelated, past issues.
- Monitor your tone: Your tone and volume can easily intensify a disagreement. By keeping your voice low and even, you can help keep the conversation (and yourself) calm.
- Set firm boundaries: Decide what topics you are willing to discuss and what is off-limits. Clearly communicate to family members when conversations are veering into areas you are not prepared to discuss and when you need space.
3. Focus on resolution, not winning
- Consider the big picture: Ask yourself if winning the argument is more important than preserving family relationships. Focusing on resolution helps shift the dynamic from adversarial to collaborative.
- Explore alternative dispute resolution (ADR): Rather than going straight to court, consider options like mediation or arbitration. Mediation, in particular, uses a neutral third party to facilitate discussions and encourage compromise. This is often faster, less stressful, and helps preserve relationships.
- Lead by example: You can't control how others behave, but you can control your own actions. By staying calm and focusing on a productive outcome, you can have a powerful effect on the situation and lead others toward a more mature resolution.
When to call in reinforcements
Navigating a will dispute is not something you have to do alone. If tensions are running too high or you feel unable to manage the situation, professional help is available both on the legal side and emotion side of this type of dispute. On the legal side, consulting one of our experienced probate attorneys can also provide clarity on your rights and help you explore the best path forward. For your personal health, consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who specializes in family dynamics to help process your emotions.